“I have survived so much loss, as all of us have by our forties – my parents, dear friends, my pets. Rubble is the ground on which our deepest friendships are built. If you haven’t already, you will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and you never completely get over the loss of a deeply beloved person. But this is good news. The person lives forever, in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through, and you learn to dance with the banged –up heart. You dance to the absurdities of life; you dance the minuet of old friendships.
I danced alone for a couple of years, and came to believe that I might not ever have a passionate romantic relationship – might end up alone! I’d always been terrified of this. But I’d rather not ever be in a couple, or ever get laid again, than be in a toxic relationship. I spent a few years celibate. It was lovely, and it was sometimes lonely. I had surrendered; I’d run out of bullets. I learned to be the person I wished I’d met, at which point I found a kind, artistic, handsome man. We get out of bed, we hold our lower backs, like Walter Brennan, and we laugh, and bring each other the Advil.”
~ Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith
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