"It's your life - you say you need a change
Don't all the dreams we've seen come true mean anything
You say it's different now and you keep staring at the door
How can you walk away don't I matter anymore..."
Well, tonight I am sitting alone in a hotel room in Winona, MN – strange all the places you end up at.
Thinking about nineteen years ago again tonight and
I came across this song by Blake Shelton and the lyrics as well as the images describe well how I am feeling.
Interestingly, the video has a landmark with Texas written on it and it was in Texas nineteen years ago that Patti and I met. We were married in Minnesota, just north of Duluth at a place called the Lakeview Castle. Neither of us knew all that was going on around us, it was such an overwhelming whirlwind and before we knew it we were living in northern Ontario during a bleak cold winter.
Hmmm…that was us – two kids facing the world and all that it had in store for us. I don’t really know where things went wrong; there probably isn’t a particular point. I do know how hard it was those first several months for Patti.
I know all the mistakes that I made, all the many many things that I would do different now.
"If we had known our love would come to this
We could have saved our hearts the hurt of wasted years
Well it's been fun - what else can I say
If the feeling's gone words won't stop you anyway..."
As I type these words, tears roll down my face. I am so sorry for so much, and yes, I have many regrets.
But how does a person go back?
I doubt so much now. Nineteen years is a long time, so many memories, moments – the births of our three children, tears of joy and pain…drinking coffee together, trips, all for what? How does life take such turns?
Nineteen years…
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