Part 1: Two Thoughts...Trying To Convince Myself Of Something...

I have two seemingly juxtaposing thoughts in my mind. One, the thought of moments of time, the moments in which we create the “poetic memories” that Milan Kundara wrote about in The Unbearable Lightness of Being and the people that comprise those memories who are “as good as spring itself” as Hemingway wrote of in A Moveable Feast. Two songs by Abba capture or in some way get at this thought: The Name of The Game and When All Is Said And Done. Not sure why I am thinking of Abba so much lately other than they were a huge part of the soundtrack of my life when I was younger. Perhaps there are some indelible marks left on my soul by their music and lyrics?

The second thought being the idea of the fear or doubts that limit these moments and memories and relationships with special people. Much of the truth of it is in what Erwin McManus wrote, “Sometimes the limitations you are willing to accept establish the boundaries of your existence.” We create the limitations and in doing so we are defining our existence, our life, our being. We either allow “poetic memories” or we don’t, we either allow people and circumstances to define us or we don’t. Are we (am I) free, really free or are we (am I) a slave, a slave to people and circumstances that “…kill, steal, and destroy…” the freedom to be truly human, to be and to experience life “wide awake” and without limitation? To be…to be…. is a struggle, a fight and a moment by moment choice to remain present in the present. Two videos from the Matrix: Revolutions I believe get at this when Neo is battling Smith for the last time and Smith incessantly questions Neo as to why he keeps fighting (against the Agents), why he keeps getting up when he is knocked down and Neo answers, “…because I choose to…” – is that not the “why” for us ultimately?

Whether it is love or hate, joy or pain, life or death – all questions and most acutely the “why” of everything has to be answered in a choice that we make. It is the essence of the existential yearning, to be…to be and be free to choose why and then how and it is when we are free to choose and are willing to choose that we are the most vulnerable and the most alive at the same moment because we are no longer afraid. In a sense we have died to our fears and doubts and it is in those moments we are the most dangerous and the most alive.