Rivers

I wanted to grow old with you

Watching our children

Then our grandchildren play

I wanted to drink coffee with you

Sitting together on the steps while the day was still new

We could have walked along the Thames

Looked at art in the National Gallery

Drank and laughed on the streets of Soho

We could have walked along the Swan

Spent a morning in Freo sipping flat whites on Cappuccino Alley

Then a lazy afternoon on the beach while "The Doctor" caressed our skin and the ocean filled our senses

We could have walked along the Seine

The Louvre with its masterpieces could have been ours for an afternoon

Red wine and cheese on a crowded Parisian street while the day turned to night

We could have walked along the Liffey

Strolled through Stevens Green hand in hand on a rainy afternoon

Than a pint together in an ancient warm Pub

(We could have...faith in me wained ~ desires in a different direction ~ choices broke my heart ~ killing a part of my soul)

So agonizing the loss

I reeled and faltered

Was lost and alone

Vertigo and confusion tossed and whirled me about

Then...

I walked along the Thames

Looked at art in the National Gallery

Drank and laughed on the streets of Soho

I walked along the Swan

Spent a morning in Freo sipping flat whites on Cappuccino Alley

Then a lazy afternoon on the beach while "The Doctor" caressed my body and the ocean filled my senses

I walked along the Seine

The Louvre filled with its masterpieces was mine for an afternoon

Red wine and cheese on a crowded Parisian street while the day turned to night

I walked along the Liffey

Strolled through Stevens Green on a rainy afternoon

Drank a pint in an ancient warm Pub

I walked along the Tiber

I was renewed with all that is Rome

Tuscany breathed newness life into me

Wine and freshness

Warm Mediterranean breezes

Walking with a new lover and friend

As a wild rose bloomed by the river

The Ache

"He had discovered that grief did not dim with time; it was instead a volatile state of being."

~ Americanah, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

The ache of a loss does not go away entirely. It merely diminishes, fades in and out of perceptibility. At times it is triggered by something; a memory, a scent, a song, a photograph. Then emotions and feelings and the gravitas of experiences rise to be known again bringing with them all you thought you had forgotten somewhere in the past. Sometimes, if you are stronger in a given moment you let the ache wash over you and move on with little damage to your soul. While at other times when you are weak, you let the ache weigh you down. In the weak hours you reach for a bottle or pills or a lover to distract and assuage the pain - to help you make it through the night. To know these things, to be these things, is to be human. And so it is human to live again, to dare again, to risk again, to love again.