Rivendell

"Not all those who wander are lost..."

~ J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

"In the days of the Third Age, after the fall of Gil-galad, Master Elrond abode in Imladris, and he gathered there many Elves, and other folk of wisdom and power from among all the kindreds of Middle-earth, and he preserved through many lives of men the memory of all that had been fair; and the house of Elrond was a refuge for the weary and the oppressed, and a treasury of good counsel and wise lore."
~ J.R.R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion

Healing

At times something inside of you shifts for no other reason than grace has broken through the stranglehold of pain. Spaces and places have profound influence, as do friends, and the stories they share. Healing comes slowly at times and is found in the moments of time which slip away and in which encounters of humanity occur. Our stories mingle and flow as grace weaves through them - the past is swallowed in the present as the future is aware of the past. This past weekend was an oasis for me as Rivendell was for Frodo on his journey after being wounded and needed to heal. I can't explain what happens when something shifts but when it does you know and life is different again.

(Healing Encounters: Music & Lyrics by Leonard Cohen, Come Healing)

 

Memorial Weekend

(Pearl Jam, Black)


In the morning
We were moving a rose bush
(With difficulty)
Tangled roots in the dirt
Rocks and red clay

In the afternoon
We were pricked by it's thorns
(The pain different for each)
The blood oozed into the ground
Our hearts turned black

Ed's

I still wanted to...

Sleep next to someone

Kiss someone

Feel someone

(Feel something other than numb)

The night

We drank at Ed's

The night

We kissed

The night

We fell asleep together

And you said you like the way I kissed

I held you

Your breast cupped in my hand

While we slept

While seconds ran away

I remember it all...

Tonight at Ed's

Again

Alone

 

Dalliance

"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift."

~ Mary Oliver

Lines bleed into lines

Time and tension between breaths

Rotating spheres with similar regrets

Interchangeable eyes

Posing questions of consequence

The music plays

The melody stays

The beat sustains

The lyrical change

A blind pirouette

Dalliance and doubt

Charades and musical chairs with vodka and gin

Whose bed are you in?

With eyes closed there is no sin

 

Amber & Brooke

Amber, I cannot believe you are graduating from college this week with degree in history.

(Time still continues to mystify me)

Brooke, I can't believe you are touching lives as an EMT and becoming a paramedic. 

You were both beautiful little girls yesterday and today you are beautiful, intelligent and confident 

women.

For some reason you have both gone down branches of the river of my passions, dreams and love.

You are both pursuing your interests brilliantly and amazingly. 

I am so proud of each of you and filled with joy when I think about how you are moving 

courageously through life. 

From your first breath

I have loved you

So know

If…

All the music ever stops

If…

All the words are ever spoken

And there is nothing left

Only…

“The stillness between two waves of the sea…”

In the silence of the night

When the light seems distant

I will always come to you

With my love

(U2 - Original Of The Species)

 

 

Fathers and Sons

 

"Fathers and sons...

They held the light

Yes they did

And it shined all night

Oh ~ all night

And they took the blows

Yes they did

Never letting go

Oh no ~ oh no ~ oh no

And so they came with perfect schemes

And precious dreams that made them one

One by one

Oh ~ look up and see the eagles fly

And fill the sky beneath the sun

Fathers and sons..."

~ Neil Diamond

(U2 ~ Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own)

 

Words I Found

I found something today on a blog I look at from time to time, Pursuing Happiness (http://thisnakedlunch.tumblr.com). There was no author attached to what was written but the words are amazing to me.

I know I am difficult and complicated to be around and my moods shift and I isolate and hide myself - even from those who are the closest to me. I believe the words I found today must be how those close to me feel. I have heard similar sentiments expressed to me or attempted to be expressed to me. The thing is I don't believe I can be different from who I am. It has taken me so long now to know who it is I am and to begin to be okay with myself. Many times I wish I were different but then I wouldn't be me and then I would be a lie.

Anyone close to me please try to understand it is not that I dislike you or not love you or not appreciate you. I assure you, I do. It is just me who has to escape and recharge and be distant at times. It must be very frustrating to watch me leave into myself. It frustrates me at times. Yet, it is what allows me to be me.

Here are the words I found today:

How to love your depressed lover?

Last night I thought I kissed the loneliness from out your belly button. I thought I did, but later you sat up, all bones and restless hands, and told me there is a knot in your body that I cannot undo. I never know what to say to these things. "It’s okay." "Come back to bed." "Please don’t go away again." Sometimes you are gone for days at a time and it is all I can do not to call the police, file a missing person’s report, even though you are right there, still sleeping next to me in bed. But your eyes are like an empty house in winter: lights left on to scare away intruders. Except in this case I am the intruder and you are already locked up so tight that no one could possibly jimmy their way in. Last night I thought I gave you a reason not to be so sad when I held your body like a high note and we both trembled from the effort.

Some people, though, are sad against all reason, all sensibility, all love. I know better now. I know what to say to the things you admit to me in the dark, all bones and restless hands. “It’s okay.” “You can stay in bed.” “Please come back to me again."

Maybe all these words I found today are saying is I need space to breath till I am okay to venture out of myself again.