A Dirge ~ Letter To God...

Dear God, I'm writing this letter to you
Cause I don't have a clue, can you help me?
I'm sitting here, simply trying to figure out
What my life's all about, can you tell me?

I never wanted to be, the person you see
Won’t you tell me who I am?
I always wanted to die, but you kept me here alive
Please tell me who I am?

I lie awake conducting this symphony
That you have gifted to me, I can't ever sleep
Don't get mad, cause I get weak inside
And I start to fall apart, cause I feel nothing
I never wanted to be, some kind of comic relief
Please show me who I am

I've been tortured and scorned, since the day that I was born
But I don't know who I am, and I thank you man for everything
Sorry I'm so frightened about all of it, but I wish I could give you more
And all the lights are shining down on me, and I feel violated by it all
I never wanted to be, the person you see, but thank you

Oh God please tell me now, are you disappointed? Are you proud?
Haven't I done everything, everything?
I'm so sorry I'm so weak, and I turned into a freak
But I don't know anything, anything
I've lost all self-esteem, my baby and everything and I feel nothing, nothing
Oh God please tell me now
Oh God please tell me now, cause I feel nothing,
And dear God I'm writing this letter to you
I am coming unglued please help me...

Are those not great lyrics, questions? When I read the words it reminds me of a lament, a dirge, a crying out to God, like something David would of written, a psalm…I think David would of liked listening to Courtney singing this song, he would of felt it, got it, related to it. As she is singing in the video I couldn’t help but think that if Jesus would have been in the audience (because he would not fear what anyone would of said to him about being there) he would of found a way back stage and find Courtney to hang out and talk with her. I imagine him saying something like this as he had a beer with her, “I love you…you are beautiful and I am proud of you…look in my eyes and see how much I love you…you can love yourself as well and I will always be here to help you when you are weak, when you are high and strung out on drugs, when you are desperate, when you feel nothing – feel me holding your hand…” And I believe his presence would be so powerful, his mere presence and love…so I ask myself – am I to do no less? Not preach, not cajole…simple be with people who are asking the same questions, feeling the same fears, doubts, anxieties, crying out for comfort…Hmmmmm…how many people need their hands held?