"The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry."
~ Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell To Arms



"Our lives disconnect and reconnect, we move on, and later we may touch one another, again bounce away. This is the felt shape of a human life, neither simply linear nor wholly disjunctive nor endlessly bifurcating, but rather this bouncey sequence of bumping into's and tumblings apart."
~ Salman Rushdie, The Ground Beneath Her Feet



Thursday, June 7, 2012

Pacem In Terris Reflections ~ The Beauty and The Horror...


This was my fourth visit to Pacem In Terris. 
When you come to Pacem you don't pick the hermitage but rather the staff prays about it and it is interesting to see where you end up.
The last three times I visited here I stayed in the hermitage of St. Anthony and this time I am staying in St. Dominic.
I understand this as no longer being in the intense spiritual battles I was once enduring in the desert but now free to walk the earth as God’s beloved child.

Upon entering the hermitage I read what was written in a pamphlet about St. Dominic and a line in it gave me chills, “…the Dominicans traveled on foot and without money, preaching the gospel wherever there was an audience.” Also, of interest was that Dominic was born in Spain (1170) – because the country of Spain has been on my mind for some time as has been a peripatetic ecclesiology and walking the El Camino. Walking and encountering humanity.

I spent a lot of time sleeping in the hermitage with many vivid dreams but no particulars remembered.

Did some reading and some writing – went for a walk and took pictures. The weather was superb, just perfect.

For the first time in a long while I felt content and at peace – the silence is beautiful.

These words from Frederick Buechner came to mind “…but places are full of mystery as times are, and almost from the start I knew that, of all places, it was the one that was right for me.”   

 Go and journey, walk, discover spaces to connect within with other travelers. Walking encounters,   peripatetic kingdom participation.

An embodied, sensual theology – walking on the earth – grounded experience in conversation, meals and relationships.


The church of the journey…

I abandoned my phone, left it in the glove box of my car turned off. I dreamed today that it was buzzing, beckoning me to again enter into the connected world. Thankfully, it was only a dream but a dream perhaps revealing something of my need of connection to connection.

What thoughts have I had since being here at Pacem for the first twenty four hours?

Not many – have read and been in the moment, in the now, present – remarkably for much of the time.

The El Camino has come to mind often. No thoughts about Canada or work or relationships. Sleep, El Camino and walking – ha ha – of course three (3) main thoughts percolating through my consciousness.

   Walking
   El Camino (pilgrimage)
   Sleeping



My purpose, my what to do next is not, has not been revealed in the static moments of time but any revelations, insights, intuitions come in the dynamic moments while on the journey…keep walking…

The thoughts of suicide have gone since arriving here. Before arriving at Pacem the thoughts of death were ubiquitous, each time I closed my eyes I saw my death, me dead. Now those images are gone – the grace of God sweeping in again to my life to liberate me.



Lilith

I feel Shalom







At Pacem today, June 3 I do not feel like leaving. There is no anxiousness in being here, I want to remain. If not remain then carry with me what it is being here is, or has been, or will yet be.

 Green grey chameleon eyes

Sparks of light

Glistening in your smile

John 10:10: an abundant life is just that – abundant – full – complete in all of its range of possibilities. From the beauty to the horror and the entire spectrum in-between because it seems to me that Jesus invites us into a life of encounter and experience.  An invitation to be and become alive – to be alive is to no longer be afraid to feel, to doubt or question and to know in the wrestling with life God is wrestling and is in the midst of each storm and joy filled moment. The blessings come from her in our participating of living life.

“Let go of everything Chris and know me.” ~ Jesus


An abundant life has the possibility of both horror and beauty and it is the awakening to this does one become alive. One does not or no longer plots to escape either the horror or beauty but lives through both and all that is between the two with grace. There is no longer a bifurcation in living life, a dualism of desire between two poles of want but rather a coalescence of patience and presence of the divine walking along side in the horror and the beauty of life.


The one whose betrayal hurts the deepest frees the most.

Out of betrayal comes unknown freedom.


David and Saul’s armor – it did not fit David and David would fight Goliath on his own terms, in his own way.

Seminary is not the path on which God wants me to walk – she has other paths for me. Paths I do not know, paths that must be walked in order to be known.



“Living the mystery – undoing fear.” ~ Ben Johnson





“All will be okay, walk and trust me.” ~ Jesus

Walk…






Chris, you do not have to be like anyone else. You can walk your own path and encounter those you will along the way so touch them with your life and be touched by their lives. Be connected and entwined with the divine and with humanity, the glory and beauty and the horror of life. Be and become the image bearer of God by inviting the other image bearers you encounter along the way into your life.


“All real life is encounter.” ~ Martin Buber

Life is an empty page so write your story...





1 comment:

  1. Very inspiring Chris, thank you for sharing. Thank You, Jesus for loving Chris so perfectly.

    ReplyDelete