This was my fourth visit to Pacem In Terris.
When you come to Pacem you don't pick the hermitage but rather the staff prays about it and it is interesting to see where you end up.
The last three times I visited here I stayed in the hermitage of St. Anthony and this time I am staying in St. Dominic.
Upon entering the hermitage I read what was written in a
pamphlet about St. Dominic and a line in it gave me chills, “…the Dominicans
traveled on foot and without money, preaching the gospel wherever there was an
audience.” Also, of interest was that Dominic was born in Spain (1170) –
because the country of Spain has been on my mind for some time as has been a
peripatetic ecclesiology and walking the El Camino. Walking and encountering
humanity.
I spent a lot of time sleeping in the hermitage with many
vivid dreams but no particulars remembered.
Did some reading and some writing – went for a walk and took
pictures. The weather was superb, just perfect.
For the first time in a long while I felt content and at
peace – the silence is beautiful.
These words from
Frederick Buechner came to mind “…but places are full of mystery as times are,
and almost from the start I knew that, of all places, it was the one that was
right for me.”
Go and journey, walk, discover spaces to
connect within with other travelers. Walking encounters, peripatetic kingdom participation.
An embodied, sensual
theology – walking on the earth – grounded experience in conversation, meals
and relationships.
The church of the
journey…
I abandoned my
phone, left it in the glove box of my car turned off. I dreamed today that it
was buzzing, beckoning me to again enter into the connected world. Thankfully,
it was only a dream but a dream perhaps revealing something of my need of
connection to connection.
What thoughts have I
had since being here at Pacem for the first twenty four hours?
Not many – have read and been in the moment, in the now, present – remarkably for much of the time.
The El Camino has come to mind often. No thoughts about Canada or work or relationships. Sleep, El Camino and walking – ha ha – of course three (3) main thoughts percolating through my consciousness.
Walking
El
Camino (pilgrimage)
Sleeping
My purpose, my what
to do next is not, has not been revealed in the static moments of time but any
revelations, insights, intuitions come in the dynamic moments while on the
journey…keep walking…
The thoughts of
suicide have gone since arriving here. Before arriving at Pacem the thoughts of
death were ubiquitous, each time I closed my eyes I saw my death, me dead. Now
those images are gone – the grace of God sweeping in again to my life to
liberate me.
Lilith
I feel Shalom
At Pacem today, June
3 I do not feel like leaving. There is no anxiousness in being here, I want to
remain. If not remain then carry with me what it is being here is, or has been,
or will yet be.
Sparks of light
Glistening in your smile
John 10:10: an
abundant life is just that – abundant – full – complete in all of its range of possibilities.
From the beauty to the horror and the entire spectrum in-between because it seems
to me that Jesus invites us into a life of encounter and experience. An invitation to be and become alive – to be
alive is to no longer be afraid to feel, to doubt or question and to know in
the wrestling with life God is wrestling and is in the midst of each storm and
joy filled moment. The blessings come from her in our participating of living
life.
“Let go of
everything Chris and know me.” ~ Jesus
An abundant life has
the possibility of both horror and beauty and it is the awakening to this does
one become alive. One does not or no longer plots to escape either the horror
or beauty but lives through both and all that is between the two with grace.
There is no longer a bifurcation in living life, a dualism of desire between
two poles of want but rather a coalescence of patience and presence of the
divine walking along side in the horror and the beauty of life.
The one whose betrayal
hurts the deepest frees the most.
Out of betrayal
comes unknown freedom.
David and Saul’s
armor – it did not fit David and David would fight Goliath on his own terms, in
his own way.
Seminary is not the
path on which God wants me to walk – she has other paths for me. Paths I do not
know, paths that must be walked in order to be known.
“Living the mystery – undoing fear.” ~ Ben
Johnson
“All will be okay,
walk and trust me.” ~ Jesus
Walk…
Chris, you do not
have to be like anyone else. You can walk your own path and encounter those you
will along the way so touch them with your life and be touched by their lives.
Be connected and entwined with the divine and with humanity, the glory and
beauty and the horror of life. Be and become the image bearer of God by
inviting the other image bearers you encounter along the way into your life.
“All real life is encounter.” ~ Martin Buber
Life is an empty page so write your story...
Very inspiring Chris, thank you for sharing. Thank You, Jesus for loving Chris so perfectly.
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