I wrote Catherine an e-mail and explained how awful I was feeling a couple of nights ago because of a message I received and how horribly it affected me. Her response back to me made me smile and encouraged me to press on in this life, if for no other reason than to receive e-mails from Madrid that make me smile. She is helping me have smile lines on my face. I had written that I no longer wanted to feel and this is what she wrote back to me:
“Feeling is what makes you real,
Feeling is Jesus living through you,
Feeling is what makes you alive,
Feeling is responding to life,
Hurt is not the only feeling you would be giving up,
You'd give up the feeling of being with a friend,
Smiling,
Having your heart skip a beat,
You might as well throw out music with it – you cannot listen without feeling.
Stick with people who bring the best out of you. Avoid the people that bring you down!”
In Catherine’s first novel, A Heart of Loss she wrote, “…what I miss the most is that which I want the most…” and this is how I have been feeling. The ache, the pain of not being present in the place or with the one you most want to be with is the hurt that most tries you. Even if you are not sure who or where or what that person or place is. I am wondering when doing nothing is really doing something, perhaps the most important thing. To be, to rest, to have peace, contentment in the moment, the now…and know, really know that to do nothing is enough in the end.
“…Love makes strange enemies
Makes love where love may please
The soul and its striptease
Hate brought to its knees
The sky over our head
We can reach it from our bed
You let me in your heart
And out of my head, head...”
- Bono
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