"The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry."
~ Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell To Arms



"Our lives disconnect and reconnect, we move on, and later we may touch one another, again bounce away. This is the felt shape of a human life, neither simply linear nor wholly disjunctive nor endlessly bifurcating, but rather this bouncey sequence of bumping into's and tumblings apart."
~ Salman Rushdie, The Ground Beneath Her Feet



Thursday, May 31, 2012

Stillness...


“Sweet the sin, bitter the taste in my mouth.
I see seven towers, but I only see one way out.
You gotta cry without weeping, talk without speaking
Scream without raising your voice…” ~ U2



Stillness
A  scream and a bright light
Inception of chaotic angst
Everything keeps moving like an earthquake beneath my feet
Nothing to grasp onto
The earth opens to swallow me



I run...
 To nowhere and no one
From death and to death
The space between the two deaths
Bleeds my soul
Bleeding for meaning in the in-between times
Of unconsciousness to unconsciousness
Black heart lines
Splintered and fractured like moments dancing across the clouded sky of disbelief
Wanting to go back home (whatever home is?)
To the start of the madness
Then rewind it all and press play again like a used cassette tape
With songs of a life imprinted on it
Stories of mystical pristine abstracted memories
My life a mixed tape of uncertainty with no way to hear the music
So l look at the sky and close my eyes
Light fragments painted on the sky canvas pirouette
While poets write words of make believe
I  am pretending my soul is not bleeding
The earth has not opened up
I am not running
But at peace again
Making all the doubt inconsequential
Quieted body
No words
Stillness





I need someone who believes in me more than I believe in myself for I have lost myself somewhere along the way...



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1 comment:

  1. AnonymousMay 31, 2012 at 7:29 PM

    There were always people who believed in you and we still do. What happened to you is that you stepped into a time and town where people did not believe in you and you stayed there, all the while losing who you really where. Those who cared about you saw this, but we could never convince you of it. It will be hard but you must move forward and become now the person God wants you to be. Brokenness is being absolutely realistic about who we are, our failure and our utter dependence on Him. People who are aware of their sin and need are in a much healthier relationship with God than those who think they are ok. We would love to have you come back home and start to heal, we know it will take time, we are here for you. We would like to know how you feel about this, maybe you are looking for someone else to tell you this. Mom & dad love you but not as perfectly as God does. Take His hand and move forward, we know you can do it.

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