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Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD
gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.
~ Job 1:21
Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself
with it as he sat among the ashes.
~ Job 2:8
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and
seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his
suffering was.
~ Job 2:13
After this, Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his
birth.
He said:
May the day of my birth perish, and the night that
said, "A boy is conceived!" That day—may it turn to darkness; may God above not
care about it; may no light shine on it.
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May gloom and utter darkness claim it once more; may a cloud
settle over it; may blackness overwhelm it. That night—may thick darkness seize
it; may it not be included among the days of the year nor be entered in any of
the months.
May that night be barren; may no shout of joy be heard in
it.
May those who curse days
curse that day, those who are ready to rouse Leviathan.
May its morning stars become dark; may it wait for daylight
in vain and not see the first rays of dawn, for it did not shut the doors of
the womb on me to hide trouble from my eyes.
Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the
womb?
Why were there knees to receive me and breasts that I might
be nursed?
For now I would be lying down in peace; I would be asleep
and at rest with kings and rulers of the earth, who built for themselves places
now lying in ruins, with princes who had gold, who filled their houses with
silver.
Or why was I not hidden away in the ground like a stillborn
child, like an infant who never saw the light of day?
There the wicked cease from turmoil, and there the weary are
at rest. Captives also enjoy their ease; they no longer hear the slave driver's
shout. The small and the great are there, and the slaves are freed from their
owners.
Why is light given to
those in misery, and life to the bitter of soul, to those who long for death
that does not come, who search for it more than for hidden treasure, who are
filled with gladness and rejoice when they reach the grave?
Why is life given to
a man whose way is hidden, whom God has hedged in?
For sighing has become my daily food; my groans pour out
like water.
What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened
to me.
I have no peace, no
quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil.
(Job 3:1-26 TNIV)
Wonder what would happen if you applied a different strategy to your healing? You've explored dwelling in pain and suffering--for much longer than anyone should. Perhaps you might consider taking the gratitude approach? Read: The Happiness Advantage, The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology that Fuel Success and Performance at Work. Completely applicable to daily life. Start dwelling in what is good with life. What is beautiful. Focus on passages of the bible that embrace the grace of happiness, books that focus on the true beauty of life--not the ugly side of humanity. Take baby steps toward making small improvements in your daily life. More walks with the dog. Volunteer. Find employment (part-time or whatever) that will give you a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. If you want it bad enough you will find a way, it IS that simple regardless of what you might be leading yourself to believe. And, yes, this comes from someone who has dealt with
ReplyDeletedepression, who has pulled themselves up by the
proverbial bootstraps and made it happen. It can be done, but YOU have to WANT IT.